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Bizarro SEO: Top 5 Rules for Writing Bad SEO Content

Bizarro Word Jumble

Anyone who knows at least a little about SEO knows the “old” adage: “Content is King” (in the Internet world anything over 10 years = old). Basically, quality content will get your site more recognition from search engines and users. But what if you live with Bizarro Superman, Wonderzarro, Bizarro Flash, The Yellow Lantern and Batzarro the world’s worst detective (my personal favorite) on Htrae, and you DON’T want your website to get traffic?

The answer is simple. In Bizarro World you would write bad SEO content. Here are the top 5 rules in the Bizarro Code for writing bad SEO content:

5. Use as many different keywords as possible.

On Earth SEO writers only use 3-5 keywords or keyword terms per page of content. But on Htrae they use as many different keywords as possible on one page. This will confuse and overwhelm search engines, making them less likely to attribute any of your web pages to one particular keyword.

4. Don’t use any keywords.

On the other end of the spectrum, you could write a lot of content for your website, but make sure to put no keywords pertaining to your product or services in it. This will let the search engines as well as visitors to your site (if you have any) know that you are in no way an expert on what you’re selling.

3. Make all your content into images.

Gum Balls Do you find that your content is just too good? No matter what you do, you find that you’re naturally incorporating keywords in a way that’s actually readable? Just make all of your content into an image as demonstrated in Bizarro SEO: 5 Sure-Fire Ways to Not Rank in the Search Engines. Sure, visitors to your site will still be able to read it, but search engines will have no way to know what it says. The problem of your good content is solved.

2. Use the same keyword repeatedly.

When I say use the same keyword repeatedly…I mean A LOT. By just repeating your main keyword over and over and over and over (AKA keyword stuffing) you’ll be letting search engines know that you have no readable, sensible content. And although Bizarro inhabitants generally hate multi-tasking, keyword stuffing your content can also help you with the Bizarro goal of getting your website banned (see Bizarro SEO: The 5 best ways to get banned).

1. Write no content at all.

If you’re more of a passive Bizarro, a Bizarro Gandhi if you will (or would Bizarro Gandhi be violent?), you can simply write no content at all. Leaving your website completely devoid of content will almost guarantee that the search engines will ignore it entirely.

Just follow these 5 rules for writing bad SEO content, and you’ll fit right in with the Bizarro crowd in no time.

About Garry Grant

Garry Grant is a veteran expert in search engine optimization and the digital marketing industry. With nearly 20 years of experience, Garry has successfully built a multi-service operation at SEO, Inc., developing proprietary technologies through complex strategic solutions. He has extensive experience in key initiatives and operational responsibilities grounded in information technology and performance management.

Garry’s expertise and esteemed reputation, coupled with SEO Inc.’s impressive client success record has earned him such accolades as Entrepreneur Magazine's 2005 Hot List for the Hottest Internet Property, Inc. 500 2007 Honorary award for Fastest Growing Private Company in America, an Inc. 500 top 50 Company in San Diego, and interviews with The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, WIRED, Entrepreneur and The Huffington Post.

Garry Grant began his online career in 1993 creating strategic Web and e-business solutions for Homepage.com, The Rush Limbaugh Show, Premiere Radio Networks, Clear Channel Communications, EarthLink and Artisan Motion Pictures. Today, Garry and SEO Inc.’s highly skilled digital strategists develop proprietary technology and strategic digital marketing direction for Fortune 500 companies including, SC Johnson, McAfee, Entrepreneur.com., Inc Magazine, IGN, Tacorri, LPL Financial, National Kidney Foundation, G4 TV, Fuel TV and Sony, just to name a few.